#15909 Happy

12:00:00 AM 17 Mar, 2017

Here are two engineers, one of them has hacked others website and try to using this. Just imagine if these two engineers named accordingly their nature and other characters also in same manner. Like good man is Ram, Bad man is Rawan, Website is Seeta.com and other characters are also names from Ramayana, this is pure imagination so don't take it seriously and enjoy imagination]
Ram: Someone has hacked my website; I am not sure who is he but I am unable to access it. I must know who has done that, Laxman, Laxman [loudly].
Laxman: Yaa, what happened?
Ram: what the hell were you doing? I appointed you as the chief security software engineer and you couldn't save your first websites. Someone has hacked Seeta.com.
Laxman: Ram brother, I wasn't there at the time of hacking Seeta.com needs an Add-on on emergency basis and she was popping up "Need: Golden Deer" again and again. So I went to google.com for the same software and when I again maximized up the Seeta.com it was gone already, Raawan did it,�I also disabled the download manager, software update etc using Laxman-Rekha.
Ram: Who is Rekha new joiner?
Laxman: Not bro, it's a software to prevent viruses, I developed it.
Ram: Oh you developed it, that's why!,�anyway call anyone expert who can trace that how did it happen?
Laxman: I know someone named Jatayu Fadiya, who can trace the whole hacking, but in between if Raawan try to access websites Seeta.com then?
Ram: Don't Worry, Seeta.com can not allow anyone to access itself it has been made with default user Ram and with a very secure property called "Pativrataa".
You! Call Jatayu immediately.
Laxman: He is out of network area; I think he must be flying high today.
Ram: Call him continuously, and get connected as he comes little lower.
Laxman: Ok.
Laxma:n: [After sometime]: Bro we get it.
Ram: Ok mail me the detailed.
Laxman: I thought it's urgent.
Ram: ok tail me first but don't forget the mail, and also CC that mail to Bali and Arjun.
Laxman: Ram, Arjun is not available, it will come in future OS, Microsoft Mahabhatarat.
Ram: Ok, than mail Bali and inform him on mobile also that we need a support to find and destroy the hacker ASAP. Who is he anyway and why did he hack our new website?
Laxman: Talk to jatayu for that... he can explain you in detailed.
Jatayu: Hi Ram.
Ram: Hi Jatayu! What's this sound?
Jatayu: Actually I am just flying little above. Anyway for you information He is Raawan, an extraordinary mind student from Shivbhakt Institue, owner of Gold Lanka Consultancy in Srilanka, from our OSC Vibhishan we got information that Raawanalso registered a website named Seeta, but Janak rejected his plea, And one of his sister Surabankha also wanted to join your brother's firm, but Laxman rejected her in interview. That's why in frustration Raawanhacked our Seeta.com.
Ram: but how did he break Laxman's Laxam-Rekha software?
Jatayu: He used some fraud name "Swami" and as you know in your company Raghukul you can't stop someone with names like, "Swami", "Bhikchuk", "Bhakt", etc. Raghukul Reet sadaa chali aayi, "Virus Aa Jaye Par User Naa Jaye".
Ram: Thanks Jatayu, bye. Laxman Mail this to Bali also.
Laxman: ok.
Ram: [After little time] Anyway Laxman what's the status of Bali, is he progressing in right way.
Laxman: yes I talked to him they are making a mirror way to enter Rawan's server, ther are making some Ram-Setu bridge for the Path.
Ram: ok. And what else we need to get back Seeta.
Laxman: as per my knowledge, Raawan has few good software to protect his servers, one of them kumbhkaran, Who eats a lot space in installation and very slow software, but provides a good security, and another one is Meghnath, tracing Meghnath is very tough, he is having good knowledge of JAVA and makes himself invisible and than attack using Jar applications.
Ram: I think the bridge process has been completed and we are ready to attack on Kumbhkaran, Meghanath and Raawan finally.
Laxman: I am starting a SCAN using Angad and other small softwares.

#16077 Happy

12:00:00 AM 17 Mar, 2017

Two Wives chatting in office :

Wife 1 : I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Wife 2 : It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins.

How was yours?

Wife 1 : Oh mine was amazing!

My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.

When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work

Husband 1 : How was your evening?

Husband 2 : Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep.

And what about you?

Husband 1 : It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill. So I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab or auto.

We walked home which took an hour & when we got home, I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house .

MORAL : PRESENTATION DOES MATTER......
NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS

#16360 Happy

12:00:00 AM 18 Mar, 2017

#16699 Happy

12:00:00 AM 19 Mar, 2017

#16720 Happy

12:00:00 AM 19 Mar, 2017

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie apeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. It's brilliant!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there,' says the man.
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

#16972 Happy

12:00:00 AM 19 Mar, 2017

Here are two engineers, one of them has hacked others website and try to using this. Just imagine if these two engineers named accordingly their nature and other characters also in same manner. Like good man is Ram, Bad man is Rawan, Website is Seeta.com and other characters are also names from Ramayana, this is pure imagination so don't take it seriously and enjoy imagination]
Ram: Someone has hacked my website; I am not sure who is he but I am unable to access it. I must know who has done that, Laxman, Laxman [loudly].
Laxman: Yaa, what happened?
Ram: what the hell were you doing? I appointed you as the chief security software engineer and you couldn't save your first websites. Someone has hacked Seeta.com.
Laxman: Ram brother, I wasn't there at the time of hacking Seeta.com needs an Add-on on emergency basis and she was popping up "Need: Golden Deer" again and again. So I went to google.com for the same software and when I again maximized up the Seeta.com it was gone already, Raawan did it,�I also disabled the download manager, software update etc using Laxman-Rekha.
Ram: Who is Rekha new joiner?
Laxman: Not bro, it's a software to prevent viruses, I developed it.
Ram: Oh you developed it, that's why!,�anyway call anyone expert who can trace that how did it happen?
Laxman: I know someone named Jatayu Fadiya, who can trace the whole hacking, but in between if Raawan try to access websites Seeta.com then?
Ram: Don't Worry, Seeta.com can not allow anyone to access itself it has been made with default user Ram and with a very secure property called "Pativrataa".
You! Call Jatayu immediately.
Laxman: He is out of network area; I think he must be flying high today.
Ram: Call him continuously, and get connected as he comes little lower.
Laxman: Ok.
Laxma:n: [After sometime]: Bro we get it.
Ram: Ok mail me the detailed.
Laxman: I thought it's urgent.
Ram: ok tail me first but don't forget the mail, and also CC that mail to Bali and Arjun.
Laxman: Ram, Arjun is not available, it will come in future OS, Microsoft Mahabhatarat.
Ram: Ok, than mail Bali and inform him on mobile also that we need a support to find and destroy the hacker ASAP. Who is he anyway and why did he hack our new website?
Laxman: Talk to jatayu for that... he can explain you in detailed.
Jatayu: Hi Ram.
Ram: Hi Jatayu! What's this sound?
Jatayu: Actually I am just flying little above. Anyway for you information He is Raawan, an extraordinary mind student from Shivbhakt Institue, owner of Gold Lanka Consultancy in Srilanka, from our OSC Vibhishan we got information that Raawanalso registered a website named Seeta, but Janak rejected his plea, And one of his sister Surabankha also wanted to join your brother's firm, but Laxman rejected her in interview. That's why in frustration Raawanhacked our Seeta.com.
Ram: but how did he break Laxman's Laxam-Rekha software?
Jatayu: He used some fraud name "Swami" and as you know in your company Raghukul you can't stop someone with names like, "Swami", "Bhikchuk", "Bhakt", etc. Raghukul Reet sadaa chali aayi, "Virus Aa Jaye Par User Naa Jaye".
Ram: Thanks Jatayu, bye. Laxman Mail this to Bali also.
Laxman: ok.
Ram: [After little time] Anyway Laxman what's the status of Bali, is he progressing in right way.
Laxman: yes I talked to him they are making a mirror way to enter Rawan's server, ther are making some Ram-Setu bridge for the Path.
Ram: ok. And what else we need to get back Seeta.
Laxman: as per my knowledge, Raawan has few good software to protect his servers, one of them kumbhkaran, Who eats a lot space in installation and very slow software, but provides a good security, and another one is Meghnath, tracing Meghnath is very tough, he is having good knowledge of JAVA and makes himself invisible and than attack using Jar applications.
Ram: I think the bridge process has been completed and we are ready to attack on Kumbhkaran, Meghanath and Raawan finally.
Laxman: I am starting a SCAN using Angad and other small softwares.

#17138 Happy

12:00:00 AM 19 Mar, 2017

Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.

He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?

Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.

Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?

Boss: Wait for more.

Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 150 soldiers, can I suicide now?

Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.

Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest!

#17425 Happy

12:00:00 AM 22 Mar, 2017

$5000 a visit - Lawyer Jokes
The madam opened the brothel door in nevada and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked.
'I would like to see valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else' said the Madam.
'No, I would like to see valerie,' he replied.
Just then, valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts.
The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, valerie questioned the man, 'no one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?' she asked.
The man replied, ' minnesota.'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in minnesota.'
'I know.' the man said. 'your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 Inheritance.'

The moral of the story is that
Three things in life are certain.

1. Death
2. Taxes, and
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

#17460 Happy

12:00:00 AM 22 Mar, 2017

01. Smart man + smart woman = Romance

02. Smart man + dumb woman = Pregnancy

03. Dumb man + smart woman = Affair

04. Dumb man + dumb woman = Marriage

05. Smart boss + smart employee = Profit

06. Smart boss + dumb employee = Production

07. Dumb boss + smart employee = Promotion

08. Dumb boss + dumb employee = Overtime

09. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
--> A woman will pay $1 for 2a $2 item that she doesn't need.

10. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

11. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

12. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

13. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

14. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

15. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.

16. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

17. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

18. A woman has the last wor2d in any argument.

19. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

20. In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
--> Then God created man and rested.
--> Then God created woman.
--> Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

21. Why do men die before their wives?
--> They want to.

22. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."

23. Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
--> Two Mother-in-laws.

24. Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of --> Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
--> Dad: That happens in every country, son.

25. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted".
--> Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

26. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

27. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
--> Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

28. How do most men define marriage?
--> An expensive way to get laundry did for free.

29. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

30. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

31. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

32. A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
--> And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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