TIPU Bareilly@99 12:00:00 AM 15 Feb, 2017

Why do we say - Pyaar Mein Gir

Gya (fall in love)?
.
.
.
Because if we say "Pyaar Mein

Khada Ho Gya" toh double-

meaning ho Jayega!

Related to this Post:

#1288 ADMIN

05:30:00 AM 01 Jan, 1970

*Just For Laughs*
๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿค‘

*A Bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant, who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.*

*One day, a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.*

*Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.*

*The shop assistant nods, and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.*

*The man standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.*

*When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.*

*As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on, and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.*

*After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"*

*Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.*

*Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.*

*Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"*

*"No," he stammers, "But it's quiverin' a little."* ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜‚

#2277 ADMIN

05:30:00 AM 01 Jan, 1970

*Few naughty but true facts*
____________________

*Naked truth*
We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes...
but we never realise that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes....!
____________________

*Alteration*
Having a cold drink on hot day with few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS....!
____________________

*Breaking news:* Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore!
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband...!!
____________________

*Choice*
Arguing over a girls breast size is like choosing between Kingfisher, Fosters, Carlsberg & Budweiser.
Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available....!!
____________________

*Anti-Gravity situation*
Why Did Newton Commit Suicide....?
Because He Saw A Complete Naked Girl, And Observed Something Going Up In His Pant, Against His Own Laws of Gravity...!!
____________________
*Meat ball*
Why Are Vegetarian Women Silent During Sex....?
They Are In State Of Shock That A Piece Of Meat Can Give So Much Pleasure...!!
____________________

*Location of body parts*
Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman's body?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy
____________________

*DEFINITION OF BLOWJOB*
A blowjob is the only job in the world that can't be included in your
resume despite years of experience and a number of references!
____________________

*BALLS THEORY*
If you have two balls between your legs it means u r man.
If you have four, it does not mean that u r superman....
U must've guessed by now that someone's taking your ass
____________________

*EXPLANATION*
Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 2.5 inches for successful penetration.
Girl: Ma'am, how about 9 inches?
Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury.
____________________

*VIAGRA*
All medicines have Side effects, only VIAGRA has Front effect.
____________________

*BURNING LOVE*
Q: What is the definition of "burning love"?
A: It's when at night you reach out for the Vaseline gel and pick up Tiger balm by mistake

#7658 Aman

12:00:00 AM 14 Feb, 2017

Why Hindu Law doesn't permit second marriage?

Answer:- Indian Constitution article 20(2) says:

"No human can be punished twice for the same offence....

#8084 TIPU

12:00:00 AM 15 Feb, 2017

Why husbands avoid questions!
WIFE : What would you do if i died ? Would you get married again ?
Husband : No....
Wife : Why not ? Don't you like being married ?
Husband : Of course i do.
Wife : Then why wouldn't you remarry ?
Husband : Ok, ok, i'd get married again....
Wife : Would you live in our house with your new Wife....?
Husband : Yes, it's a great house.

Wife : Would you let her drive my car ?

Husband : Yes, its almost new, dear.

Wife : Would you give her my jewelry ?

Husband : No.. I am sure she would want her own..

Wife : Would she wear my shoes..?

Husband : No, her size is '6'

Wife : --silence--

Husband : 'shiiit'...!!

#8119 TIPU

12:00:00 AM 15 Feb, 2017

Million Dollar Question:

If U don't like ur Husband,

why don't u just leave him & go ??

Answer from wife: I don't like doing anything that will make him Happy..!!

#15772 Happy

12:00:00 AM 15 Mar, 2017

In 1975 Spiderman, Superman and Batman were flying across india and thay suddenly died.
.
.
Do you know why?
.
.
Yad hai, sholay me GABBAR ne 3 goliya hawa me chalayi thi.

#15795 Happy

12:00:00 AM 15 Mar, 2017

One day before exam
๏ฟฝ1 day before exam:

A 3 kg, 1000+ page book is lying on the study table.
1st benchers - Let me try a few sample papers.
2nd benchers - This chapter has less weightage, why waste time.
3rd benchers - Iss unit se koi question nahin aaya tha last year.
4th benchers- Yaar aadha tu padhle, baaki mein dekhta hoon. Adjust kar lenge.
5th benchers - Chhodo na yaar, ek din mein kitna padh lunga. Murder 2 bhi nahin dekhi abhi tak. Dost mazak udayenge.

#15909 Happy

12:00:00 AM 17 Mar, 2017

Here are two engineers, one of them has hacked others website and try to using this. Just imagine if these two engineers named accordingly their nature and other characters also in same manner. Like good man is Ram, Bad man is Rawan, Website is Seeta.com and other characters are also names from Ramayana, this is pure imagination so don't take it seriously and enjoy imagination]
Ram: Someone has hacked my website; I am not sure who is he but I am unable to access it. I must know who has done that, Laxman, Laxman [loudly].
Laxman: Yaa, what happened?
Ram: what the hell were you doing? I appointed you as the chief security software engineer and you couldn't save your first websites. Someone has hacked Seeta.com.
Laxman: Ram brother, I wasn't there at the time of hacking Seeta.com needs an Add-on on emergency basis and she was popping up "Need: Golden Deer" again and again. So I went to google.com for the same software and when I again maximized up the Seeta.com it was gone already, Raawan did it,๏ฟฝI also disabled the download manager, software update etc using Laxman-Rekha.
Ram: Who is Rekha new joiner?
Laxman: Not bro, it's a software to prevent viruses, I developed it.
Ram: Oh you developed it, that's why!,๏ฟฝanyway call anyone expert who can trace that how did it happen?
Laxman: I know someone named Jatayu Fadiya, who can trace the whole hacking, but in between if Raawan try to access websites Seeta.com then?
Ram: Don't Worry, Seeta.com can not allow anyone to access itself it has been made with default user Ram and with a very secure property called "Pativrataa".
You! Call Jatayu immediately.
Laxman: He is out of network area; I think he must be flying high today.
Ram: Call him continuously, and get connected as he comes little lower.
Laxman: Ok.
Laxma:n: [After sometime]: Bro we get it.
Ram: Ok mail me the detailed.
Laxman: I thought it's urgent.
Ram: ok tail me first but don't forget the mail, and also CC that mail to Bali and Arjun.
Laxman: Ram, Arjun is not available, it will come in future OS, Microsoft Mahabhatarat.
Ram: Ok, than mail Bali and inform him on mobile also that we need a support to find and destroy the hacker ASAP. Who is he anyway and why did he hack our new website?
Laxman: Talk to jatayu for that... he can explain you in detailed.
Jatayu: Hi Ram.
Ram: Hi Jatayu! What's this sound?
Jatayu: Actually I am just flying little above. Anyway for you information He is Raawan, an extraordinary mind student from Shivbhakt Institue, owner of Gold Lanka Consultancy in Srilanka, from our OSC Vibhishan we got information that Raawanalso registered a website named Seeta, but Janak rejected his plea, And one of his sister Surabankha also wanted to join your brother's firm, but Laxman rejected her in interview. That's why in frustration Raawanhacked our Seeta.com.
Ram: but how did he break Laxman's Laxam-Rekha software?
Jatayu: He used some fraud name "Swami" and as you know in your company Raghukul you can't stop someone with names like, "Swami", "Bhikchuk", "Bhakt", etc. Raghukul Reet sadaa chali aayi, "Virus Aa Jaye Par User Naa Jaye".
Ram: Thanks Jatayu, bye. Laxman Mail this to Bali also.
Laxman: ok.
Ram: [After little time] Anyway Laxman what's the status of Bali, is he progressing in right way.
Laxman: yes I talked to him they are making a mirror way to enter Rawan's server, ther are making some Ram-Setu bridge for the Path.
Ram: ok. And what else we need to get back Seeta.
Laxman: as per my knowledge, Raawan has few good software to protect his servers, one of them kumbhkaran, Who eats a lot space in installation and very slow software, but provides a good security, and another one is Meghnath, tracing Meghnath is very tough, he is having good knowledge of JAVA and makes himself invisible and than attack using Jar applications.
Ram: I think the bridge process has been completed and we are ready to attack on Kumbhkaran, Meghanath and Raawan finally.
Laxman: I am starting a SCAN using Angad and other small softwares.

#15916 Happy

12:00:00 AM 17 Mar, 2017

An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood.

The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner.

The Arab replied "Bapu.....now I have Gujju blood in my veins!"