Happy 12:00:00 AM 22 Mar, 2017

Before we get married,' said a man to his fiancee,'I want to confess some affairs I've had in the past.'

'But you told me all about those a couple of weeks ago,' replied the girl.

'Yes, darling,' man explained, 'but that was a couple of weeks ago.'

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#17361 Happy

12:00:00 AM 22 Mar, 2017

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying for years."

#17362 Happy

12:00:00 AM 22 Mar, 2017

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying for years."

#17460 Happy

12:00:00 AM 22 Mar, 2017

01. Smart man + smart woman = Romance

02. Smart man + dumb woman = Pregnancy

03. Dumb man + smart woman = Affair

04. Dumb man + dumb woman = Marriage

05. Smart boss + smart employee = Profit

06. Smart boss + dumb employee = Production

07. Dumb boss + smart employee = Promotion

08. Dumb boss + dumb employee = Overtime

09. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
--> A woman will pay $1 for 2a $2 item that she doesn't need.

10. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

11. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

12. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

13. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

14. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

15. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.

16. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

17. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

18. A woman has the last wor2d in any argument.

19. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

20. In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
--> Then God created man and rested.
--> Then God created woman.
--> Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

21. Why do men die before their wives?
--> They want to.

22. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."

23. Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
--> Two Mother-in-laws.

24. Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of --> Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
--> Dad: That happens in every country, son.

25. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted".
--> Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

26. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

27. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
--> Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

28. How do most men define marriage?
--> An expensive way to get laundry did for free.

29. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

30. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

31. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

32. A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
--> And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

#17470 Happy

12:00:00 AM 22 Mar, 2017

Kids letters to God - Funny Jokes
Dear God,
I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget.
- Mark

Dear God,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways before I cross the street.
- Dean

Dear God,
My brother told me about how I was born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say?
- Marsha

Dear God,
If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
-Beth


Dear God,
Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business?
-Donny

Dear God,
In Sunday School they told us what you do for a job. Who does it when you are on vacation?
-Jane

Dear God,
In school we read that Thomas Edison made light, but in Sunday School they said you did it first. Did he steal your idea?
- Sincerely, Donna

Dear God,
I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that. I am not just saying that because you are already God.
- Charles

Dear God,
It is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can't you do that with the moon?
- Jeff